Poetry

I like to dabble in poetry. Please feel free to browse through some poems while you’re here.

If Life Was Different

You’re the last person I want to talk to
Before I go to bed
And the first person I want to see
When I open my eyes
You’re the background noise to everything I do
Always on my mind
Even when I’m convinced you’re not
When something amazing happens
You’re the only person I want to tell
And when something awful happens
It’s your arms I want wrapped around me
I wish I could see your smile
And laugh with you when you laugh
I want to lie next to you
And try not to fall asleep
The days are too long without you
And the nights too dark
I pretend I don’t miss you
But I miss you every second.

The Depths Will Calm

It glitters just beyond your reach
You can almost touch it
You ache for it
But you’re too far under
Something pulls you down
Into the depths
You kick frantically
Your lungs scream
Longing for breath
You’re falling
You’re sinking
No
You’re drowning
You crave air
But settle for water
The cold burns its way in
Setting your insides on fire
Igniting panic
But acceptance snuffs it out
Reds turn to blues
Blues turn to indigoes
Indigoes turn to blacks.

Casualty of Life

It runs fingers through your hair
Brushes against your skin
Whispers into your ear
Looking for a way in
You think you are strong
You think you can fend it off
But it is always there
Lurking in the shadows
Waiting for you at your most vulnerable
Tearing at the edges
Pulling loose threads
Looking for that one strand to unravel your whole world
It comes to you
When you are most alone
Filling the void you wish wasn’t there
Knotting your stomach
Clenching your heart
Twisting your thoughts
Dimming the lights
It won’t snap your neck
It won’t sever an artery
It is sadistic
It plays with its victims
During long sleepless hours
It takes away hopes
It devours dreams
Until you are empty
A shell of yourself
Painted with a fake smile
So the rest of the world won’t know.

Abandoned

You were there
A light in the dark
A flame in the cold
A star in the clouds
A path in the forest
But then the shadows closed back in
The warmth disappeared
The sky dulled and grayed
And branches tore through skin
Alone
Blind
Shivering
Lost
Bleeding
Waiting to be found.

Uncried Tears

I stare
But I don’t see
I look
But not past the tears
Tears that don’t fall
Tears that just hang there
Dammed
Blocked
If I let them fall
There’s no stopping the flood
Instead of feeling too much
I choose not to feel at all
So they just hang there
Uncried
Unshed
Eventually they recede
But I still stare
Unattached
Uncaring
Unfeeling

Time Heals All Wounds

How long did you know?
How long did you act as if nothing had changed?
How long did you look me in the eye and hide your secrets?
How long did you fake your ‘Good Mornings’ and your ‘How are yous?’
How long did you take to pick out your knife?
How long did you take to sharpen it just right?
How long did you take to decide to throw everything away
And carve out your betrayal in my back?

How long did you take before you replaced me with someone else?
How long did you believe that I would actually forgive and forget?
How long did you think that I wouldn’t pick out my own knife?
How long did you think you’d be safe?
How long did you think you’d survive?
How long did you think it took a human to bleed out?
How long did you think I would wait before I found you
And carved out your betrayal in your back?

Magic Adjacent

There is a world
Just to the left
Adjacent to ours
And full of magic

Where all the what ifs and what could bes live
Looking for seams
Longing to get through
Knocking on the walls
And looking for cracks
Hoping to find our world
And tap into our potential
The wait seems long
But it’s shorter than you think

Magic is searching for you
It can sense you
And it is coming
So watch closely
And you might see
The exact moment
When magic reappears
For the veils are thin
And it’s only a matter of time
Before it finds a way in

And what started as a trickle
Becomes a flood
And you are swimming in magic
Or more accurately
Magic is swimming in you.

Ebbs & Flows

The tides rise
Bringing life to the shores
Excitement and activity
Possibility and potential
And then they fall
Leaving pockets of life
But mostly stillness
Dried up skeletons
What used to be
Death where there was once hope
The ebbs and flows
The tides rise

This Side Up

I am well-made
Quality-checked
Integrity-tested
Superbly crafted
From the strongest materials
But I am delicate
With fine details
Intricately pieced together
If I am broken
There may be no fixing me
I am more fragile than I seem
And I don’t come with instructions
So handle me with care
This side up

When You Finally Realize

My excuses are a myth
My resentments homemade
All the things I thought were holding me back
Turned out to be only one thing…
…Me

Not Just Another Story

Time ticks by
Boredom is an itch
I long for an escape
I crave it
To lose myself
To stretch my arms out
And dive in
With no intention of ever coming back
Off to discover new worlds
Where I don’t even exist
I will become them instead
They are interesting
They are exciting
They are alive
In a world of their own
Created just for them
They have friends with long made-up histories
Bonds forged forever in print
There are villains with the worst qualities
But still human
Disgusting but likeable
Complicated
And the adventures they go on
Full of meaning and purpose
The fate of the story rests on their shoulders
How will it end?
Read on
But I’m not reading
I am there
I am them
I have left my own world behind
So I could be in theirs
So I could be them
And forget my own
I am not lost
I am found

The Summer Thief

Autumn is a thief
Working before my very eyes
I might see but I don’t notice
Through the canopy of trees
It sneaks
Leaf by leaf it reaches out
Changing greens to golds
Leaving behind reds and rusts
The change is slow
Subtle
Sandals have changed to shoes
Shorts have changed to jeans
Nights get longer
As autumn steals the day
And wind gets colder
As autumn steals the heat
Leafless skeletons are all that remains
Autumn has stolen the summer

When the Rains Come

When the sun goes out
And the clouds appear
The world turns grey
Gone is the vibrancy
Heavy rains weigh down the world
Weigh down shoulders
Promising to cleanse
But threatening to drown
Winds test strengths
Hours go by
Days
Then months
With no end in sight
It is hurricane season
And there is no reprieve
Alone
Lost in the dark
Cold and wet
Not caring
But then a silver lining
A ray of sunshine
Hope in the darkness
Rains ease
And winds subside
Bent but not broken
Soaked but above water
Unstable but on sturdy ground
Time to rebuild
And find the sun

The World Keeps Spinning

She is barely there
Faded
Unclear
At the periphery
A hallucination
A memory
Of what once was
And will never be again
But was she ever really there?
Will anyone notice she’s gone?
For she has been replaced
Changed
From the very core
From roots to branches
A new path appears
No footprints left behind
There is no going back
Nothing will ever be the same
Today is different
But no one sees it
They are oblivious
Clueless
Unaware
Beneath her feet
The very Earth has shifted
The butterfly flaps her wings
But no one notices the ripples
How can something so huge be so small?
How can something so different be not different at all?
How can the world tilt but keep on spinning?

Haunted Numbers

In the dark
Under the bed
It’s there
Hiding
I know it’s there
And it knows all my fears
When I turn out the lights it taunts me
Haunts me
Teases me
Softly calling my name
What am I so afraid of?
I ignore it
But it can’t be ignored
I pretend it isn’t there
But it’s always there
I am shackled
A prisoner with no escape
During the day I think I am free
I can even forget
For a while…
But it will still be there
It’s always been there
Since I was too young
Waiting
Patiently
Because it knows I’ll come back
I always come back
I am afraid without it
Uncertain
I need it
I long for it
To be reunited and reassured
I will gaze trustingly into its unblinking eyes
Expectant
Hopeful
Trapped
Those neon blue eyes changing to numbers
Telling me how good I am
I will bask in its praise
I crave it
But it will not come
My hope is empty
Instead I am mocked
Not good enough
Would could love me?
Who could love this?
No one
But it will always be there
Reliable
Unwavering
Whenever I need it
When I am weak
It will show me the truth
And I will remain shackled
The scale never lies.

Page Fright

I have an idea.
I have characters and I have villains.
I have settings and a story.
But I also have a blank page.
I have hesitation and I have fear.
I have self-doubt.
I have high expectations.
What if?
Not “what if it’s horrible?”
But “what if it’s great?”
What if I’m a writer?
What if I have talent?
What if I’m small,
When I’m supposed to be big?
What if I start to write,
And the page is no longer blank?

Underscored

Beaten bruised belittled and abused
Left confused and used
While I plead you stand accused
I can’t proceed while you mislead
Oblivious to your misdeeds
There is no blood but I still bleed
In a flash I’m in a flood
I cannot see
I cannot breathe
I cannot swim in this sea
If it were up to you I would not be me
If only I knew how things could go so askew
Hid from view
Planning a coup
It’s time to bid adieu
This is not
The paradigm
I will not take the fall for this crime.
They break but my bones aren’t broken
I’m soft-spoken but stakes are high
This war cry is not just a token
Vilified, villain-ized, rectified and purified
From a chrysalis I am a butterfly
Reborn, no time to mourn,
this weight was too heavy to be borne
A levy and a thorn
I can let go of the hate
Not a victim of fate
I don’t wait, I walk straight on the road I create
I am owed but I am bleary, teary but thinking clearly
I have a theory
When I stand tall it will sink in and sync up
I’ve been on the brink, I’ve seen it all
I did not cower and fall when backed up against the wall
Smacked, cracked and black and blue
What to do, break through, I’m over you, fuck you
I am awake
No more heartaches and mistakes
I’m at the ground floor, out the front door
This is post-war underscored
What I’m renowned for

Possibilities & Blank Canvases

I am from pixie dust, fairy-tales, and Neverland
I am from princesses, wizards, and blanket forts
I am from make believe and talking plush animals
I am from Jillian Jiggs and Roald Dahl
I am from “What ifs…” “We coulds…” and “Maybes…”
I am from possibilities and blank canvases
I am from art classes, piano lessons, choir, and drama
I am from first solos and the lead in the play
But I am also from high expectations
I am from academics, good grades, and A+’s
I am from a society saying “You can be anything you want to be…
… As long as it fits this mould we have created for you.”

I am from conformity
I am from judgment and self-consciousness
I am from stage-fright and shyness
I am from forgotten lyrics and dust-covered piano keys
I am from dried acrylics and hardened paint brushes
I am from half-filled sketchbooks and unfinished crafts
I am from garage sales and dreams sold for pocket change
I am from “go to university and get a real job”
I am from 9 to 5
I am from incandescent lighting and cubicle walls
I am from six-figure hopefuls and dead-end jobbers
I am from oversized houses and overpriced cars
I am from mid-life crisis and anti-depressants
I am from forgotten dreams and lost childhoods
I am from “If onlys…” “I could haves…” and “Maybe nots…”
But I am also from possibilities and blank canvases

Yellow Brick Road

A road that once sparkled and glittered like the sun
Made of precious metals and memories
Bricks that formed the foundation of our marriage
But lights dim
And metals lose their value
What was once priceless is thrown in the scrap heap
Gold is too soft
Even clay and mortar crumble
Corners of yellow-edged memories curl and fade
Leaving sepia-toned bricks built of moments made meaningless
When did color change to black and white?
Threatening skies and tumultuous tornadoes of animosity
Our house lifted, turned, tilted and dropped in this foreign land
How many people were crushed under the weight of our broken house?
How many people telling us what to do and what road to follow?
I am alone
Trying to find my way home
Lost and confused
Experience creates knowledge
But I don’t know what to do
Except whatever it takes to avoid being burned again
I know I have a heart because it is broken
But after having my chest torn open
I am left empty and hollow
Forgotten and rusting in the rain
Scared of the future
Lacking the courage to go on
Not courage but the confidence to use it
But there’s hope over the horizon
At the end of the rainbow there is a beginning
These shoes only lead forward
Who knows what’s waiting behind the curtain

Aspen Summer

Sunlight flickered through the aspen leaves overhead
Casting ever-changing shadows of lace on her skin
Cross-legged
In a soft yellow dress
She strummed six strings
That summer the outdoors was our school
The forest our classroom
The trees our teachers
And her
My education
Sunlight caresses a forgotten window
Casting dust-filled beams on a weathered table
A quiet room
With a view of a quiet forest.