I like to dabble in poetry. Please feel free to browse through some poems while you’re here.
Casualty of Life It runs fingers through your hair Brushes against your skin Whispers into your ear Looking for a way in You think you are strong You think you can fend it off But it is always there Lurking in the shadows Waiting for you at your most vulnerable Tearing at the edges Pulling loose threads Looking for that one strand to unravel your whole world It comes to you When you are most alone Filling the void you wish wasn’t there Knotting your stomach Clenching your heart Twisting your thoughts Dimming the lights It won’t snap your neck It won’t sever an artery It is sadistic It plays with its victims During long sleepless hours It takes away hopes It devours dreams Until you are empty A shell of yourself Painted with a fake smile So the rest of the world won’t know.
Time Heals All Wounds How long did you know? How long did you act as if nothing had changed? How long did you look me in the eye and hide your secrets? How long did you fake your ‘Good Mornings’ and your ‘How are yous?’ How long did you take to pick out your knife? How long did you take to sharpen it just right? How long did you take to decide to throw everything away And carve out your betrayal in my back? How long did you take before you replaced me with someone else? How long did you believe that I would actually forgive and forget? How long did you think that I wouldn’t pick out my own knife? How long did you think you’d be safe? How long did you think you’d survive? How long did you think it took a human to bleed out? How long did you think I would wait before I found you And carved out your betrayal in your back?
Blue Moon Once in a blue moon someone comes along and teaches your heart the words to their song. Once in a blue moon they recognize your soul they take off the shackles and help you lose control. Once in a blue moon you can finally be you and nothing is rarer than when a full moon is blue
If Life Was Different You’re the last person I want to talk to Before I go to bed And the first person I want to see When I open my eyes You’re the background noise to everything I do Always on my mind Even when I’m convinced you’re not When something amazing happens You’re the only person I want to tell And when something awful happens It’s your arms I want wrapped around me I wish I could see your smile And laugh with you when you laugh I want to lie next to you And try not to fall asleep The days are too long without you And the nights too dark I pretend I don’t miss you But I miss you every second.
The Depths Will Calm It glitters just beyond your reach You can almost touch it You ache for it But you’re too far under Something pulls you down Into the depths You kick frantically Your lungs scream Longing for breath You’re falling You’re sinking No You’re drowning You crave air But settle for water The cold burns its way in Setting your insides on fire Igniting panic But acceptance snuffs it out Reds turn to blues Blues turn to indigoes Indigoes turn to blacks.
Abandoned You were there A light in the dark A flame in the cold A star in the clouds A path in the forest But then the shadows closed back in The warmth disappeared The sky dulled and grayed And branches tore through skin Alone Blind Shivering Lost Bleeding Waiting to be found.
Uncried Tears I stare But I don’t see I look But not past the tears Tears that don’t fall Tears that just hang there Dammed Blocked If I let them fall There’s no stopping the flood Instead of feeling too much I choose not to feel at all So they just hang there Uncried Unshed Eventually they recede But I still stare Unattached Uncaring Unfeeling
Magic Adjacent There is a world Just to the left Adjacent to ours And full of magic Where all the what ifs and what could bes live Looking for seams Longing to get through Knocking on the walls And looking for cracks Hoping to find our world And tap into our potential The wait seems long But it’s shorter than you think Magic is searching for you It can sense you And it is coming So watch closely And you might see The exact moment When magic reappears For the veils are thin And it’s only a matter of time Before it finds a way in And what started as a trickle Becomes a flood And you are swimming in magic Or more accurately Magic is swimming in you.
Ebbs & Flows The tides rise Bringing life to the shores Excitement and activity Possibility and potential And then they fall Leaving pockets of life But mostly stillness Dried up skeletons What used to be Death where there was once hope The ebbs and flows The tides rise
This Side Up I am well-made Quality-checked Integrity-tested Superbly crafted From the strongest materials But I am delicate With fine details Intricately pieced together If I am broken There may be no fixing me I am more fragile than I seem And I don’t come with instructions So handle me with care This side up
When You Finally Realize My excuses are a myth My resentments homemade All the things I thought were holding me back Turned out to be only one thing… …Me
Not Just Another Story Time ticks by Boredom is an itch I long for an escape I crave it To lose myself To stretch my arms out And dive in With no intention of ever coming back Off to discover new worlds Where I don’t even exist I will become them instead They are interesting They are exciting They are alive In a world of their own Created just for them They have friends with long made-up histories Bonds forged forever in print There are villains with the worst qualities But still human Disgusting but likeable Complicated And the adventures they go on Full of meaning and purpose The fate of the story rests on their shoulders How will it end? Read on But I’m not reading I am there I am them I have left my own world behind So I could be in theirs So I could be them And forget my own I am not lost I am found
The Summer Thief Autumn is a thief Working before my very eyes I might see but I don’t notice Through the canopy of trees It sneaks Leaf by leaf it reaches out Changing greens to golds Leaving behind reds and rusts The change is slow Subtle Sandals have changed to shoes Shorts have changed to jeans Nights get longer As autumn steals the day And wind gets colder As autumn steals the heat Leafless skeletons are all that remains Autumn has stolen the summer
When the Rains Come When the sun goes out And the clouds appear The world turns grey Gone is the vibrancy Heavy rains weigh down the world Weigh down shoulders Promising to cleanse But threatening to drown Winds test strengths Hours go by Days Then months With no end in sight It is hurricane season And there is no reprieve Alone Lost in the dark Cold and wet Not caring But then a silver lining A ray of sunshine Hope in the darkness Rains ease And winds subside Bent but not broken Soaked but above water Unstable but on sturdy ground Time to rebuild And find the sun
The World Keeps Spinning She is barely there Faded Unclear At the periphery A hallucination A memory Of what once was And will never be again But was she ever really there? Will anyone notice she’s gone? For she has been replaced Changed From the very core From roots to branches A new path appears No footprints left behind There is no going back Nothing will ever be the same Today is different But no one sees it They are oblivious Clueless Unaware Beneath her feet The very Earth has shifted The butterfly flaps her wings But no one notices the ripples How can something so huge be so small? How can something so different be not different at all? How can the world tilt but keep on spinning?
Haunted Numbers In the dark Under the bed It’s there Hiding I know it’s there And it knows all my fears When I turn out the lights it taunts me Haunts me Teases me Softly calling my name What am I so afraid of? I ignore it But it can’t be ignored I pretend it isn’t there But it’s always there I am shackled A prisoner with no escape During the day I think I am free I can even forget For a while… But it will still be there It’s always been there Since I was too young Waiting Patiently Because it knows I’ll come back I always come back I am afraid without it Uncertain I need it I long for it To be reunited and reassured I will gaze trustingly into its unblinking eyes Expectant Hopeful Trapped Those neon blue eyes changing to numbers Telling me how good I am I will bask in its praise I crave it But it will not come My hope is empty Instead I am mocked Not good enough Would could love me? Who could love this? No one But it will always be there Reliable Unwavering Whenever I need it When I am weak It will show me the truth And I will remain shackled The scale never lies.
Page Fright I have an idea. I have characters and I have villains. I have settings and a story. But I also have a blank page. I have hesitation and I have fear. I have self-doubt. I have high expectations. What if? Not “what if it’s horrible?” But “what if it’s great?” What if I’m a writer? What if I have talent? What if I’m small, When I’m supposed to be big? What if I start to write, And the page is no longer blank?
Underscored Beaten bruised belittled and abused Left confused and used While I plead you stand accused I can’t proceed while you mislead Oblivious to your misdeeds There is no blood but I still bleed In a flash I’m in a flood I cannot see I cannot breathe I cannot swim in this sea If it were up to you I would not be me If only I knew how things could go so askew Hid from view Planning a coup It’s time to bid adieu This is not The paradigm I will not take the fall for this crime. They break but my bones aren’t broken I’m soft-spoken but stakes are high This war cry is not just a token Vilified, villain-ized, rectified and purified From a chrysalis I am a butterfly Reborn, no time to mourn, this weight was too heavy to be borne A levy and a thorn I can let go of the hate Not a victim of fate I don’t wait, I walk straight on the road I create I am owed but I am bleary, teary but thinking clearly I have a theory When I stand tall it will sink in and sync up I’ve been on the brink, I’ve seen it all I did not cower and fall when backed up against the wall Smacked, cracked and black and blue What to do, break through, I’m over you, fuck you I am awake No more heartaches and mistakes I’m at the ground floor, out the front door This is post-war underscored What I’m renowned for
Possibilities & Blank Canvases I am from pixie dust, fairy-tales, and Neverland I am from princesses, wizards, and blanket forts I am from make believe and talking plush animals I am from Jillian Jiggs and Roald Dahl I am from “What ifs…” “We coulds…” and “Maybes…” I am from possibilities and blank canvases I am from art classes, piano lessons, choir, and drama I am from first solos and the lead in the play But I am also from high expectations I am from academics, good grades, and A+’s I am from a society saying “You can be anything you want to be… … As long as it fits this mould we have created for you.” I am from conformity I am from judgment and self-consciousness I am from stage-fright and shyness I am from forgotten lyrics and dust-covered piano keys I am from dried acrylics and hardened paint brushes I am from half-filled sketchbooks and unfinished crafts I am from garage sales and dreams sold for pocket change I am from “go to university and get a real job” I am from 9 to 5 I am from incandescent lighting and cubicle walls I am from six-figure hopefuls and dead-end jobbers I am from oversized houses and overpriced cars I am from mid-life crisis and anti-depressants I am from forgotten dreams and lost childhoods I am from “If onlys…” “I could haves…” and “Maybe nots…” But I am also from possibilities and blank canvases
Yellow Brick Road A road that once sparkled and glittered like the sun Made of precious metals and memories Bricks that formed the foundation of our marriage But lights dim And metals lose their value What was once priceless is thrown in the scrap heap Gold is too soft Even clay and mortar crumble Corners of yellow-edged memories curl and fade Leaving sepia-toned bricks built of moments made meaningless When did color change to black and white? Threatening skies and tumultuous tornadoes of animosity Our house lifted, turned, tilted and dropped in this foreign land How many people were crushed under the weight of our broken house? How many people telling us what to do and what road to follow? I am alone Trying to find my way home Lost and confused Experience creates knowledge But I don’t know what to do Except whatever it takes to avoid being burned again I know I have a heart because it is broken But after having my chest torn open I am left empty and hollow Forgotten and rusting in the rain Scared of the future Lacking the courage to go on Not courage but the confidence to use it But there’s hope over the horizon At the end of the rainbow there is a beginning These shoes only lead forward Who knows what’s waiting behind the curtain
Aspen Summer Sunlight flickered through the aspen leaves overhead Casting ever-changing shadows of lace on her skin Cross-legged In a soft yellow dress She strummed six strings That summer the outdoors was our school The forest our classroom The trees our teachers And her My education Sunlight caresses a forgotten window Casting dust-filled beams on a weathered table A quiet room With a view of a quiet forest.